Denial
by Ohjazzy
Summary: Mello tells us in his own words how he and Matt became more than friends.


Matt is a great guy, but not without flaw. He's funny and calm and can do the best puppy eyes I've ever seen but he's also messy and lazy and sometimes he plays video games way too long that he doesn't eat or sleep. He can hack into any computer and he can drive like a pro. He can even make me pancakes (yes, from scratch). But he's easily distracted, forgetful and unfortunately, a chain smoker.

The best thing about him is that he is loyal and sticks by my side through everything but it took him forever to finally admit his feelings for me. Normally, he has no problem expressing his thoughts or opinions but when it came to me, apparently he did. We we're eighteen years-old and he still had yet to admit that he didn't just love me as a friend but that he was IN love with me.

We were separated for a few years and he had no idea where I was but he'd done everything and anything he could to find me again. If that doesn't scream "I freaking love you" then I don't know what does. Don't get me wrong, he had actually said "I love you" to me before, but not without adding "but not like _that_" at the end of it, a little _too_ quickly. Yes, he's a bad liar too.

He also has a problem with people. Neither of us had very nice lives before we went to Whammy's house but Matt went through some serious shit. I have a hunch that's why he walks around hiding behind those orange goggles. He uses them as a kind of barrier between him and the world. I think I'm the only one he's comfortable taking them off in front of. It's hard to tell just by looking at him but he's actually pretty insecure.

Anyways, you probably can't see me as the lovey-dovey type and really, I'm not; I just know what I want. And I wanted Matt. But first, I needed to help him admit that he wanted me too.

I had tried using words. I'd told him straight to his face and even written it down on paper how much I love him. He just smiled at me awkwardly and said "well, thanks". It made me want to kick his ass but I had tried that before too and it didn't work either.

After words were unsuccessful, I tried actions. When we were younger, thirteen to be exact, I hopped in his lap and wrapped my arms around him. You know what he did? He shoved me off, looking like he was about to have a heart attack. Then he laughed nervously and pulled out one of his PGS and started playing it.

I tried to hold his hand one time when we were studying together. He just looked at me for a moment and I could see the conflict in his eyes without those damn goggles on. It looked like he wanted to say something but instead he looked away again, shaking his head and just stuffed his hands in his pockets for the rest of the study session.

Shortly before I left Whammy's house I kissed him on the cheek. His whole face went red to the point that it almost matched the dark crimson of his hair. When the shock faded he pulled his goggles down and I could see him glaring at me through the golden lenses.

"Stop doing things like that!" He'd said, sounding more flustered than angry.

I sighed loudly in exasperation.

He found me four years later and he was the one to initiate the hug that lasted a good five minutes, clutching me tightly to his chest. I was undeniably happy to see him and hugged back, inhaling his familiar scent of smoke and musk and also some not so familiar cologne. I wondered when he started wearing that kind of stuff and realized we had both grown up a lot in the time we were separated.

"Don't fucking scare me like that again, you asshole," was the first thing he said, still holding me close.

"Missed you too, Matt. Love you," I mumbled into his neck, feeling the chill that ran down his spine.

A few moments after that, he pulled away and quickly lit a smoke. Still, after all these years, it was the same. I knew that I would have to use drastic measures if he was ever going to over this immature denial he was in.

One day, we'd gotten into an argument about said denial and immaturity and after the fight, he sat down with his computer, ignoring me, and I went to have a shower. After, when I was drying myself off I realized I hadn't brought any clean clothes in with me. This meant I'd have to walk to my room half-naked to retrieve some. Then I thought 'why bother with the towel at all? And why bother going to my room right away, maybe I'll go to the kitchen first.' I grinned mischievously to myself as I exited the bathroom.

Yes, I'm crazy and impulsive but it's this very action that brought us together.

Matt was sitting on the couch with his laptop, smoking and typing away like a madman, when I strolled by completely nude. He looked up to acknowledge me and then choked on his cigarette, coughing and sputtering into his hand. I grabbed the smoke and pinched it between my fingers before dropping it to the floor, waiting for him to recover. When he did, he simply stared at me, wide blue eyes taking in every inch of my naked body. It's not like I don't know that I'm hot but having his eyes on me like that made me feel kind of amazing, I won't lie.

I smirked down at him and asked, "See anything you like?"

He met my eyes and his face went bright red as he stuttered, "Uh, wh-where are your clothes?"

I didn't want to talk about unnecessary things, so I shrugged and grabbed the computer from his lap, slamming it shut and placing it on the floor. He was sitting with his legs apart and his excitement was evident through those tight jeans. Needless to say, I was very pleased with myself. And Matt too. I'd had an idea of what he was hiding down there and, thankfully, he didn't disappoint.

When he saw where I was looking, he quickly tried to close his legs but I was faster and placed my knee between them on the couch and rested my hands on the back of it, one on either side of his head. Our faces were so close that I could smell the leftover smoke on his breath and see the lust in his eyes, mingled with fear. He seemed to be trying to disappear into the cushions and I couldn't help but smile. This only made him more nervous.

"Don't be scared, Matt," I murmured. "I won't bite. Maybe later, but for now, I'll be gentle."

I put my lips on his and heard him inhale sharply through his nose. I refused to open my eyes because I knew he would be staring at me and it would ruin my plan, so I kept them shut and took advantage of the fact that his lips had been parted and slipped my tongue inside. I waited for him to push me away and run as fast as he could in the opposite direction but he didn't. He just sat there and took it, which was nice, but I wanted some kind of reaction. I placed my right hand on his shoulder, trailing it down his chest and stomach to his groin and then rubbed him through his jeans. He jumped and let out a strangled moan, finally breaking the kiss.

"Okay, Mello," He said in a shaky voice. "I get it, I get it. I love you! Just..."

"Say it again," I interrupted quickly, excitement bubbling in my stomach.

He placed both hands on my cheeks, keeping his eyes trained on mine and repeated himself.

"I love you. I really do, but please stop for a minute."

This both pleased and confused me. He finally admitted how he felt but he wanted me to stop? Where was the logic in that? He loved me, I loved him, we should both be naked and on the floor by now, wouldn't you think? I mean, I went to these extreme measures to finally get him to admit it, there was no way I'd let him reject me _now_.

His eyes slid to the side as he went on, "I should have said it the first time I realized it but I didn't. Then when I lost you, I told myself that when I found you again I would tell you. But… I still couldn't. I don't even know why. I'd never experienced love before, never seen it, and I guess it scared the hell out of me. I just wanted to avoid it. Sorry for being such a coward."

I was completely naked and slightly aroused but for some reason he decided that that moment was the best time to start talking about his feelings. Go figure. At least it was finally out in the open. I smiled at him, grabbing his hand and kissing the soft palm before pulling him up to his feet.

He gave me a lopsided grin and I could see he was still nervous as he spoke softly, "I love you... you crazy bastard."

Not quite romantic, but I knew he meant it and it was music to my ears.

"Better late than never," I replied with a smirk. "Now take me to bed, I've been waiting for this for way too long."

Of course, you'll want details of what happened next but this is a need-to-know kind of thing and I don't think Matt would appreciate it very much if I shared our private stuff, like how he is a very passionate and vocal in bed and every time he reaches his climax, he practically screams my name… Oops. Just keep that little fact to yourself.

Anyways, that is the story of how he and I came to be what we are today. Lovers. It took a lot longer than I would have liked but I can tell you that he was worth waiting for. Now he makes sure to tell me he loves me every day, multiple times, sometimes at completely random moments. I think he's trying to make up for lost time.

To avoid ending this on such a sappy note, I'm going to let you know that that gorgeous redhead is currently in the bedroom, very naked and planning something with a bottle of chocolate syrup. I don't want to keep him waiting any longer, but feel free to use your imaginations to figure out what comes next…

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A/N: Yay, another story. I wanted to do one from Mello's P.O.V. and this kinda just came out of nowhere. Normally, you would think Mello was the emotionally-stunted one who wouldn't be able to express his love but I decided to try something different. It's meant to be slightly humorous but mostly fluffy.**

**Please review and let me know your thoughts on it and also if you have a suggestion for a title that would be great because I couldn't think of a decent one xD**


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